Love doesn’t hurt.

Life is hard, and every now and then we face difficulties. And relationships are no different. There is rejection, there is cheating, and there are many (emphasis on the ‘many’) disappointments. Where do these bad relationships leave us?

After a lot of struggle and mental torture, we settle on the thought that love hurts. That, loving someone brings us no good. Love is nothing but a concept created by people. And moreover, what exactly is LOVE? I looked up for it in my dictionary. Even that can’t settle on one definition of love (It had attempted to define it in 21 ways). And no two people can agree on one meaning of love. It means different things for different people. Some say love is about caring for another. Some say its just sex. Some say it’s about respecting one another. For me, it is honesty, loyalty, respect, understandability, care and passion and the list goes on. But we all can agree to one thing that mostly, it is the feeling of affection and a deep attachment towards someone or something.

When exactly does love hurt? It hurts when we dedicate ourselves completely to someone. It hurts when that dedication goes to waste. It hurts when you give all you had to him and in return he couldn’t even be there by your side when you needed him the most. It hurts, but, if you notice closely, it’s not the love that hurts. It’s our expectations, his actions and cruel words that hurt us. It’s the moments and the situations you find yourself in, after loving someone, that hurt you the most and consequently, make you turn off your ’emotions switch’. 

Because there can be nothing more pure than love. Love has immense powers. It can heal a sick person, it can put people on the right path, it can guide a lost soul and it can make a weeper smile. It can do anything that you ever wished for. And it is pure in the sense that love cannot ever hurt anyone. It will make you blush in the middle of the night, it will make the butterflies in your stomach run a marathon, it will give you all the happy memories that you will cherish throughout your life and so on.

So never blame ‘love’ because of the hard times that your crush or your lover gave you. It was them, their words and their actions that hurt you.

And never give up on love because you’ll never find a more beautiful and genuine feeling than it.

–I pray that you find your true one and that you get to be with him for the rest of your life–

Men And The Misconceptions.

Have you ever got your heart broken? YES? Have you ever moved on from that phase? NO? Have you lost all faith in men after what he did to you? YES? Then, I suggest, you keep reading on.

In the past, you may have liked or loved someone, genuinely. You, maybe, for the first time ever, felt something special for that someone special. You couldn’t stop smiling when you talked to him, you couldn’t stop blushing when you were around him, you wouldn’t be you, and doesn’t matter how much of a tomboy you were, you couldn’t help but feel like a girl when you saw him. You wanted to look special for him and you’d spend hours choosing the right outfit, putting on nail paint, styling your hair, and putting that fruity lip balm (which smelled great by the way!). You did everything a girl is expected to do for a guy to love her. But what did you get? He left. It was a shocker and so unexpected. But there it was, the truth- the one you always feared and never wanted to face. He was gone.

You couldn’t help but feel stupid. You felt like crying all the time. You felt like going back and making things normal, like asking him to come back once, and give you another chance. But a month or maybe a year later, you realised, you never needed a second chance. You did everything you could, but he chose to go away. It was his loss that he left you.

By time, this thought became more dominant and started settling in your sub-conscious. Now, you went to the level of thinking that all men are jerks. That, it’s in their nature to deceit women. They can never be committed to one girl for their entire life. They are just created for mating with no emotions whatsoever. Like, life is better without men and their dual-faced characters.

You must have heard it somewhere, but, seriously, look at the fingers of your left hand, right now. They all are fingers indeed, but are they all same? No, one is shorter while one is longer. Index finger is more productive than the other. Pinky finger is cuter than the rest. And, the ring finger is more special as compared to all. They come in all different shapes and sizes, colours and appearance, etc. And so on. Forget fingers, not even two of your hundred selfies are exactly the same. Then, how can you conclude that all men are same? How can you say that, if one of them broke your heart, then there is no other man alive who can bring it back together? Why blame the whole species of men if some of them are literally, a burden on this Earth? 

Okay, if this thing seems difficult for you to process, then think, are there any women around you who you don’t like? Who may have hurt you at some point or maybe have done something that your ideals and principles don’t approve of. Or, if you’re anything like me, you may hate some people only because they exist, including girls (well some people’s faces just get my nerves pumping and give me a headache!). So, if not all women can be the same, then the same applies to men. There are plenty of women out there who have broken some innocent hearts of men, and because of them, men think of all women in a certain way. How would you feel if a decent young man, who you actually like, come up and judge you on the basis of his past experiences with women? I’ve been there, and I felt nothing but helpless. I just wanted him to know even if it was hard for him to believe, I was different, that I loved him and I wouldn’t ever do anything to him that his ex did, and that I would never hurt him. And when he couldn’t trust me on that, I was shattered.

Thus, next time, when you actually like a guy, or a guy comes up and says that he actually likes you, don’t be sceptical. Don’t make him prove that his feelings for you are genuine.  Trust him a little and believe that everything happens for good, and even though you can’t see that right now, you’d realise it with age and maturity (And, always remember not all men are like Barney, there are still some Ted and Marshall, left- from ‘How I Met Your Mother’Don’t let your past ruin your future. Just think that you needed your heart to be broken, to realise how hard it is in this world to find true love, and when you do, you should never let him go.

So, today, take a baby step to erase the thought that ‘all men are same’. Trust a little, believe a little and love a little. 

Tears of a break-up.

I had the perfect relationship- we loved and we fought, like normal couples do. But, it did not have a perfect ending after all, and I was left crying, all by myself, alone. Break ups are harsh and they resemble fresh deep wounds. They are painful and they give you a sense of panic as to, what now? What will I do without him? How will I be able to live without him? How will I be able to sleep without hearing his voice? 

There is no easy fix, no solution, to fade our misery. No matter how much we talk about positivity, all of that doesn’t matter at this time. We just go into a phase of constant thought process. Well, I go quiet- sitting, eating, and thinking continuously for hours. I dont talk to anyone, I dont even share what’s going on in my head with anyone. I’m introvert that way. I have always feared pity. I never want people to sympathise with me. So for me and for girls like me, this time becomes even more difficult.

We can’t tell anyone how we feel and even though we want to cry out loud, we can’t, as we can’t let people know that we’re emotionally weak. We want to stay strong through this time to be an example for our future self. We wish to do so many things and we think it through too- I have to do this and I can’t let myself do that. We try to mentally prepare ourselves for ways to come out strong from this storm.

But at last we end up crying in our bathrooms (shitpot is my favourite place to cry…just kidding…lol no, I’m serious, dont judge me). And I think the only thing that actually helps is crying it out. Once a guy left me and I cried around one month without a break, before going to bed…actually crying is what helped me sleep through that time. I would cover myself in a blanket and cry so quietly that even my room-mate couldn’t figure that out. But you dont have to be as miserable as me.

I used to cry, praying to god to make that guy love me. Now when I look back, I feel so stupid. I realised, my sufferings wont change anything. My tears will help me feel light but they won’t bring my guy back once he’s gone. And then again, if he’s meant to be my man, then he shall be. If my destiny is written with him then he’ll be back. If not, then maybe I deserved better. If you feel the same, then I’m glad to say that, yes princess, you deserve much, much better. You deserve to be loved, to be handled with care, to be hugged softly and kissed gently, you deserve to be treated like you’re the most pretty woman on this earth, like his eyes were made to see the beauty that lies within you.

Cry, shout, drink, do anything you wish, just don’t remain stuck like me. Its a pathetic place to be in, and I don’t want you to waste the time of your life being a stuck-up.

Cry till no tears are left, then wipe off those tears, and for once, be prepared to be someone who only sheds tears of happiness.

The blame game.

We as humans tend to love, tend to show emotions, and tend to fight also. And, fight a lot. In every relationship, there are fights, and then, there is blame. At first, we accept we’re wrong, even if we aren’t, just to hang on to the beautiful thing we share with our partner. The fear of losing our love is greater than our egos, always.

But, when things turn ugly, we start blaming each other, and its not always to make the other person realise his/her mistake, but, to shed off that weight off our shoulders- of being the culprit, being the reason for all the mess.

But, is it right? Is it right to point out mistakes of others and not look into ourselves for the faults? Its always difficult to accept that something is wrong with us, while its always relatively easier to point out the smallest of mistakes of our partner. After all, we have certain right over that other, and we have the right to make them a better person for ourself and the world. But, pointing out mistakes for their betterment is completely different from pointing out mistakes for our sake.

Its never justified to put all the weight on your partner, after all he is also human, and how far can he tolerate to accept, being the reason for something that he never did. Everyone has a saturation point just like an elastic, if you stretch it far enough, it will break and  hurt you only. 

Blaming others is a disease which leaves you sick, in the end. It makes your relationship sour, and it makes your partner, distance himself from you, just to avoid getting in an argument that would force him to look down in front of you. A relationship is among equals, none of them is lower than the other. And if you try to pin down your significant other, then, in the end its your loss only. You won’t gain anything by it, ever. In fact, you’ll start losing what you had, your love, your partner, his consideration for your feelings, and his ability to correct himself when he’s actually wrong- because when he gets into the habit of being alleged falsely all the time, he stops caring for making things better for you.

Therefore, before pointing fingers at others, look into yourself, and find out the exact root of the problem, and if it originates from you, then accept it and correct it, because one can, at most, make you realise your fault, but its you who has to work on it. Its you who can remould your relationship and make it alive again. Always focus on what you can do for your love, not on what he should do for you. That thing is a topic of thought only when you’ve fulfilled your duties as a responsible companion in this journey of togetherness.

–Same thing applies to guys who want to get away with everything by blaming their ladies–

SACRIFICES.

No relationship is perfect. It starts with two raw materials, not completely compatible with each other, and it takes efforts to make them into one final product. Every relationship requires work and repair, and somewhere in between working towards being ‘one’, we start to feel like we’re on the verge of losing our individuality . We start feeling like we’re living on the terms of our partners, and our individual self is fading away slowly. But, is it really about losing something or is it about gaining something far more valuable?

In my view (from what I’ve observed), every person who has ever been in a relationship has sacrificed something of his/her own- ideals, beliefs, expectations, sleep, food habits, lifestyle, et cetera. And, sacrificing hurts. Well, giving away anything we hold so dear, hurts, and I don’t think we ever get ready for something like that, because we were never raised by our families like that. We always got what we wanted, without giving anything in return. Even if our parents asked us to give away an old toy in return of a new one, we would not (I couldn’t, at least). We are always keen on getting something in a relationship- love, care, lunch dates, night outs, day trips, club nights, overnight talks, and what not, but, when it comes to returning the favour (or giving something), we sometimes hesitate. And by giving, I do not mean any gifts or material things. We can always give those, not a problem. The problem lies in giving something thats already dearly ours, that defines us, for example, I gave away my most favourite shorts to my guy- bought from a male’s clothing section of course- and I couldn’t sleep without them for weeks, literally. This being a ‘1’ on the scale of 1-10 of sacrifices, I think, now you are understanding what I actually mean.

A successful relationship can easily be said to include, sacrifices, from both the partners. It can’t work otherwise. You make it every now and then, and maybe, daily. There is no running away, and where exactly will you run to? To another man? That is hardly a solution, as no matter who you are with, you will have to adjust a little, and try to make him comfortable with you. You may have to sacrifice your favourite movie, just to sit there and watch a football match, in which you don’t even know the names of the teams (and he will have to do such things for you too). Because, where there is love, you don’t even realise when you’re sacrificing something, it comes from within. You want to do it for him, because that would make him happy, and in turn, make you happier.

But, then the question rises, up to what extent is it appropriate to sacrifice? Do we need to completely forget about ourselves and dedicate wholly to the service of the other person? No, absolutely not. Just ask yourself before sacrificing something- “Is it worth it?” And you’ll get your answer. If he does all those things for you, cares for you, makes you feel wanted and needed, loves you unconditionally, and gives up something for your happiness, then its totally worth it (in my case, I consider my sacrifice “worth it”, even if I’m appreciated for what I’ve done. I ask nothing in return, except some kind words).

But, if your sacrifice is not acknowledged at all, then maybe, its not worth it. Maybe, your sacrifice doesn’t mean anything to him, maybe he doesn’t bother to consider your needs and treats your sacrifice as his right. In such a case, stay away from going too far and do only that much, that is required, or maybe, that much that is given to you. “TIT FOR TAT”. I believe in it to the core. If someone does something for me, I give him more. If someone doesn’t care to do one sacrifice for me, then I sacrifice my needs for him till the point I can bear, after which, I back off.

20s is an age to discover yourself, but also an age to learn some life principles like team play. We need to strike a balance between our individual self and our team player version, as we can’t let one of them, overpower the other and destroy either ourselves or our relationships. So, it becomes crucial to observe as to where, when and how much of ‘you’ is required to be left behind. And sacrificing a part or a habit of yourself is not a bad thing at all, if it brings you happiness at the end.

Stay smiling, give some to get some. And, be generous.

Forget And Forgive

My life and my relationships have always been hard. Having experienced quiet a lot ‘bad times’, there still remain things that are unforgettable. I tend to forget all the good memories, but my mind never does let go of the bad ones.

Why are our minds designed that way? Why do we remember what hurt us, more, as compared to what made us happy?

Since the beginning, I faced a lot of sad times. I guess that’s what made me boring. And those moments have left an impact on me, a scar, that even the best of surgeries can’t remove. I never could really let go of them. And, when I was ready to leave it all behind and live in peace, new tragedies started happening. Even worse than before. Their memories still haunt me. I end up asking myself, “Will I ever be able to move on?”

Do we really need to forget and forgive to move on? I guess, we do. We can’t cling to our past and look forward to a happy future. As they say, you can’t drive a car looking in the rear-view mirror. We do need to look at it, in between, just to make sure that we’re in a good place, but we can easily crash if we keep looking at it and not look at the view thats in front of us. Similarly, we do need to remind ourselves of the bad times we got through, just to be satisfied that we can do anything, and if we could make through that, then nothing can stop us.

So, forgetting and forgiving what’s in the past, is as much important as planning for your future. If one doesn’t, she just remains stuck in there forever. Why would anyone want that? If she fails to forget and forgive, then it means she still holds feelings for that person or incident. Why would you want to feel for someone or something thats gone for good? Yes, its important to keep those memories in a box in the back of your head, because somewhere down the lane, you’ll need to open it and remind yourself of all the things you never want in your life to happen (again). It will help you get clarity and to move on a righteous path. But you don’t need to cling to it. Believe me, you’ll feel much more at peace if you’d just pack all those memories up, and send them on an eternal trip to Bahamas (literally, anyplace, choose a graveyard if you want). And the best thing is, you can always call them up and ask for advice!

But is it really that easy to do both? Can one live with just forgetting and not forgiving and vice versa? 

Its not easy. It takes a heart of a lioness to actually do both. And it takes one step at a time.  First, you forget and then you forgive, or maybe, first you forgive and then you forget. But it doesn’t always work that way, does it? Sometimes, we find ourselves in a situation where its easy to forget (the incident) than to forgive as we fail to let go of the trauma and  helplessness that we felt at that time. It has left a wound which, for some, will never heal. And, the other times, we think its relatively easier to forgive than to forget. Because its all just so complicated, that you can’t afford to lose the person who hurt you. Maybe, the wound is still fresh in your heart owing to the fact that you never expected it. You never ever, thought in the wildest of your dreams, that he/she would ever do something to hurt you. It was almost unbelievable. And you couldn’t accept the fact that the person who cared for you and for whom you cared for so much, has done something like this. And maybe, at that point, you liked to believe that maybe it’s this one time only. Maybe something went wrong, and forced them to behave in that way. And maybe, this will all be in the past with a blink of an eye, and history will never repeat itself.

But, then I ask, is it really forgetting something if you can’t forgive it and is it really forgiving if you can’t forget?

In my case, NO. I really need to forget as well as forgive, the person or the thing which caused me pain. I am never satisfied with one. I need both. I have done it occasionally, whenever I could gather the strength for it (and thank you Universe for it!), I felt proud of myself, I felt free and I felt liberated from all the heartaches my past had given me.

Honestly, if I can, you can do so much better. Just give it a try. It will be difficult and challenging, but just hold onto yourself, for I cannot promise you anything except this- You would have never felt something like this…ever. And trust me, its a good feeling. Don’t let the ghosts of your past haunt your future. Just smile a little, and think they will no longer be bad memories if you can learn something from them. Thus, LEARN, FORGIVE and FORGET.

Loving a narcissist.

As I was reading some articles, I came across one talking about the aftershocks of loving a narcissist. And I couldn’t help but wonder, how a partner of mine in the past, had been a narcissist. Maybe, I was blind the whole time and couldn’t notice these traits in him or maybe I knew it somewhere down within, but didn’t have the balls to admit it- because admitting it would have given me a reason to leave him and not ruin myself further, but I just wasn’t ready to let him go.

Who is a narcissist? A narcissist is a person who has an image of himself as being superior to others, who thinks he’s an expert in almost anything and everything, who acts selfishly and believes himself to be of utmost importance. He is very self-obsessed, and he likes being with people who admire him and agree with him always. He lacks empathy towards others, and he won’t feel guilty for any wrong that he does. He can’t handle criticism at all. If you, by mistake, point some wrong out in him, he’ll make your life hell by making you feel guilty for even opening your mouth. A narcissist is known to have problems with sustaining satisfying relationships. In the end, its him, who matters and you’re nothing but a tool- he’ll use you when he pleases and leave you when he’s done.

Being with a narcissist is hard. In the beginning, he was this perfect man anyone could dream of. He did everything to win you over- he even lied to you and made a sketch in your mind, of a man, a man so irresistible that would make you think that, you’d be stupid to let him go. With passing time, he got to know you and your weaknesses- and used them against you in the times of arguments. He always liked you to behave in a manner that he wanted. You couldn’t be yourself around him fearing the possible consequences.

After some time, you developed a fear in your heart- of his actions and his reactions. You feared expressing yourself as you didn’t know what would drive him crazy. Now happy times came as a surprise to you. You hesitated to smile now, as you were unsure for how long you had it. The ratio of happy times versus sad times reversed. Ignoring all this, you tried whatever you could to make it work. You stopped sharing your thoughts with him, you stopped expecting anything from him and did everything to prevent yourself from getting hurt in the future. But you couldn’t admit the fact that the damage was already done.

You no longer were that positive and happy girl, you were before meeting him. When you looked in the mirror, you couldn’t identify yourself. “What have I done to myself?”you asked. Then, you attempted to answer yourself, “This relationship has become a mess. I gave it my everything, then why did it crash? Why was I that stupid? Now look at me, I am suffering from depression, I’ve lost all faith in ‘love’, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ’emotionally available’ again. Its my fault. I had a choice. I was with him even after he hurt me. I should’ve left a long time ago”. “I wish I could go back in time and un-meet him.” But you knew deep down that it was not practical.

So, in such times, how exactly can you handle yourself? Firstly, let go of your memories. Happy or sad-doesn’t matter. It was all based on a lie, and therefore, it shouldn’t affect you at all. It has left an impact on you, agreed. But it has only made you stronger. You got to know yourself like you never did and you developed some traits that will help you in your future e.g. diplomacy. Secondly, take out some time from your relationship and focus on yourself. Treat yourself like you always wanted him to treat you. Try new things, try things that you always wanted to and have the courage to do it all without him. Lastly, during this time out, decide, whether you want to stay in that relationship or you want to get out?

It’s a matter of your future, your life, don’t let anyone suppress you and make you feel worthless. You’re precious. Your parents didn’t raise you to be treated like this. So either make him a better person and if you can’t, just quit and be free.

Dedicated to all the girls who have gone through hard times. That was a part of your journey, and in the end, you’ll find your treasure

Misunderstandings.

I can bet there’s no one alive on this planet who has never been misunderstood- by their parents/ their friends/ their colleagues/ their partners.

Being misunderstood is the worst feeling ever-for me at least. I feel helpless, and so torn and I end up asking myself…do I convey things in a wrong way or do they lack the skills to understand me? Why is it that, even when I say things with the best of my intentions…I end up becoming the culprit?

And when I’ve been misunderstood for long, I just quit as I lose the strength to make myself clear. Maybe, its the communication gap. Maybe, if two people communicate properly, there are less chances of misunderstandings. And if two people know each other well enough, and the base of their relationship is strong, then no matter what, they’ll understand each other at the end.

Assuming this, does talking everyday and sharing everything is what ‘communicating properly’ is? At times YES, and at times NO. When two people are in the phase of forming a relationship, communication is tremendously important. What it gives is a foundation, upon which they get to know each other, relate to each other and finally understand each other. It is because of your communication, that a person decides to stay in your life or otherwise. When they get to know you, all are positives and negatives are revealed to them, which ultimately makes them decide the path of their relationship with you. It can go either ways- they can end up being a person that you used to know or a person you’ll know for the rest of your life.

And, when the foundation is laid and concrete, then ,maybe communication isn’t a factor anymore. And, maybe that is why, even if you talk to that person after 3 months, you’ll immediately get the feeling of peace, on knowing that at least someone is out there to understand you, understand your sarcasm and understand your jokes. But does it mean that two people can stay connected this way for eternity, without any communication? NO. With times, people experience things that change them and their attitude towards life. They no longer remain the person from your memories. That’s why, it is essential to catch up once a while (only if, your life doesn’t allow you to stay connected regularly)- to make sure you’re on the same page as them.

Knowing that the above is rather important for any relationship, at the end, it really does depend on the people involved. Do they even want to understand each other or their pride of knowing everything ruins what they once shared? If a person wants to know you, he’ll try to step into your shoes and really understand what you’re talking about and why. And if one continues getting his pride take over, then he’ll never be able to grow. He’ll remain stuck with the idea of you being a person with certain traits known to him. He’ll consequently, judge you for every action with his historical perceptions of you.

This is why communication plays an important role in the realm of ‘understandings’. And it also becomes important to communicate to a person who’s open to it- who’ll go out of way to be conscious of your life, your ideologies, your thought process and what is the reasoning behind all that.

Finally, to avoid misunderstanding others, be aware of their actions and their minds; and to avoid being misunderstood, say things clearly- don’t play riddles (they might humour you less, and cost you more).

Till the world becomes a place of clarity, keep being true to yourself and to others.

Marriage- a headache.

Our mid-twenties are fierce, as we’re busy in making a career while dealing with all the hormonal emotions. As if it’s not difficult enough already, that one question starts haunting us even more now. “When are you getting married?”– this literally gives me no joy, no excitement, nothing whatsoever, except a long torturous HEADACHE!

I often ask myself, why is it so important to get married? and why is it even more important to get married within your twenties? Why can’t a woman stay happily unmarried? Why is it considered a taboo?

I mean there’s this generation gap, and I get it. I don’t think when our generation grows up, they’re going to force their children to get married. We understand the importance of bringing out the best in ourselves, making a career that would make people respect us and being satisfied with our lives as they are.

The system of marriage has been running since eternity, I believe. Well, the system of stay-at-home women has also, unfortunately, been running in our society since eternity. Earlier, women were not considered good enough to handle work outside the boundaries of their homes. No rights and no opportunities for women, left only one goal in their lives- to get married and to make children.

Well, times have changed, and woman are now considered better workers than men. They are everywhere, from doctors to lawyers, from politics to daily wage workers. Our class has finally understood the importance of being independent, financially as well as emotionally. And it makes me a proud woman- for today (at least for educated families) a girl child is not a burden, but a bread earner.

So, is it still important to get married? According to me, it’s NOT. It used to be, when we were only considered as dependants, but today, when woman have achieved more than men, it is pretty reasonable to declare that we are not mere child making machines, we are not only to cook and keep the house clean, we are not meant to make families. And, if the whole point of marriage is to make a family, then why can’t we choose our own families? Why can’t we just pick and select the best people we’ve encountered to form a family- a family, not of blood relations, but of trust and love and loyalty?

And, if, for the world to grow, we do have to reproduce, then why can’t we do this with our life partners, and not with our husbands? Life partner can be one living his whole life with you, with a commitment, but lacking just one thing- a TAG of a ‘husband’. While at the same time, a husband can be a person having no emotional connection to you. If you’re lucky, you’ll find both in one.

Thus, for me, you shouldn’t get married because it has always been that way and this is the rule of nature and society. You should get married, if you want to, only when you want that tag, and that makes you happy, satisfied and makes you feel complete.

A marriage should be a choice, not an obligation.

A woman should be happily unmarried for as long as she wishes. She should do anything she wishes-make an amazing future for herself, experiment things, travel as much as she can, and most importantly, discover herself.

It seems like a dream. But it’s not impossible. I know many women who have made their names in the history, and none of them were ever married. Thus, to grow, you don’t need a marriage and for life, you don’t need a tagged ‘in-law’ family, all you need is a family of people you know, you trust and you love. Again, if you’re lucky, you’ll find both in one.

–Till next time, keep learning and exploring this world. We get one life, let’s live it to the fullest–

Addiction.

Do you ever feel like you aren’t complete without that one thing or one person? Do you ever find yourself craving for it? That feeling is like that of stubbornness- to have it with you whether its your cigarettes or your boyfriend.

From morning to night, you think about that one thing…and maybe, wait the whole day looking forward to it. What if you have an addiction for your boyfriend? Well, some of us do, well okay, I do!

I was just addicted to the feeling of, him, waking me up with his heavy sensual voice, him, leaving me, a random text about how beautiful I am (which was so cute because, I ain’t pretty), him, searching places to take me there sometime, him, being awake for me even after he’d have red eyes due to sleep deprivation, and basically, so on. Concluding, I was addicted to him.

I got addicted to being treated like a queen all the times, so when I didn’t get that same treatment, I would get offended! Like, “Hey, mind your tone, I’m a fu*king queen, you said so yourself!” But, was it right? Was my addiction taking over the better of me, well, whatever was left of it?

I still debate on it with myself at times. Do I have a right to be treated good at all times (even when I’m the one who’s at fault)? Or, am I just addicted to being treated good, no matter what? 

Having done some pretty bad things myself, I (sometimes) don’t think its my right to be treated well. Then I question myself, if he had been in my position, having done something bad to me, would I have treated him appropriately? or like a king? And, honestly, I’m that kind of a person who would tell you loud and clear what wrong you’ve done, and maybe, throw in some suggestions to do some damage control.

Still lost in finding the answers for the above, I usually take the easy and guilty way out. I declare that yes, I am addicted to being treated good. I want my boyfriend to treat me with love and care and respect, even when I don’t deserve it. Then, my mind diverts to one question- am I asking the wrong question all together?

Should it be, “Am I addicted to my boyfriend, or am I addicted to the concept of love?”

YES! That clears it a bit more. Whatever I miss of him, is not exactly about him! It is all the things people do, when they fall in love with each other. Those cheesy lines, those love quotes, that shayari, those compliments, all of it, is, what love is for me. Thats what I miss, ‘old school love charm’.

In my opinion, an addiction of the concept of love is still better than an addiction of any person. At least, it keeps you going on and on, finding ways to love others and admiring new ways to be loved. While, the addiction of a person may leave you lonely and sad at some time, but addiction to ‘love’ will never let you down.

So, ask yourselves this question now, solve out this mystery and get to know yourself a bit more (because in today’s world, we know everything whats going on the outside, and fail to determine whats inside of us!)