Lost Love.

If I had to count the tears I’ve shed for you
If I had to find a reason to leave
I’ll have millions and millions, but
They don’t mean a thing.

What’s real for me, is the love I had once
I was the Cinderella dancing around in my shiny gown
I had the thought of you coming with a glass slipper, baby
You did, you stumbled and it fell on the ground
Shattering my heart like the glass, you took so granted for
And there, I lost you baby, and I lost myself more.

Got down to hold the pieces of my broken heart
Those bits gave me wounds and scary scars
“How will I find myself in this pain? When the one I loved more than anyone has left me again?”
Tears and tears, a million years.
And, yet, I still love you.

Insecurity.

Every woman wants a man who would open his eyes every day just to see her, and no one else. A man who would drop a text as soon as he wakes up, and wish her night before shutting his eyes. A man who would be loyal and honest to her about any and every thing. Every woman needs an optimum level of surety in a relationship.

But, how important is security? And does that mean that we are wrong to be insecure at times? Is it forbidden to question your present relationship based on your past experiences?

Being a very insecure person, I always tend to question every action of my partner based on my previous encounters with lies. Its like, I want my past to disappear at times so that I can avoid sabotaging the precious thing that I have today. But, old habits die hard, and I find myself in situations, where I go beyond the necessary to preserve my love.

Its not like we are stuck in our past. We felt something, we got hurt due to certain actions of others, and we learned a lesson. And, we try to make sure that we don’t get hurt again due to the same reason. We usually don’t want history to repeat itself. That is why, it is not always wrong to put questions and get some clear answers to avoid tears in the future. We know what we deserve, and we can’t let anyone take away our happiness in a snap. And, it is not bad to be prepared for what might come. It is okay to be insecure. It is okay to be afraid of losing the one you love, to someone else. Love comes with its share of horror. Its not always about being a 100% sure of everything, or, of being completely blind and deaf in love. If you’re not afraid to lose your lover, then is it really love? 

And, is there a limit of insecurity? For me, there has never been. No matter how much I try to make myself believe that past is past, I never stop fearing that I might end up crying again. And the insecurities, as I’ve noticed, increase with expanding gap in the communication between two partners. The more we feel that the relationship is not what it used to be, and that spark we had, is lost somewhere in the smoke of this city, the greater are the chances of being taken over by endless anxiety.

Thus, there comes a time when every woman gets fed up of all these insecurities and wants to settle down with a man with whom she can feel as secure as she feels with a safety vault. In the end, all she needs is a man with whom she can be free of all the worries, all the deceptions and corresponding pain.

A word of advice, never be with a man who makes you feel like you’re not the one; who makes you feel like there are other women out there, better than you; who makes you feel like you will never be good enough for him. Because, if you do, you’d spend the rest of your life engulfed in agony, and, you do not deserve that. You deserve to be treated like you are the one in billions…like you complete him…like, even if he went exploring the whole world for love, he would never find a greater love than you.

Do we need lessons to lessen the pain?

Do we need it or do we desire it? I’m often torn between choosing one. But, I’m certain about one thing. Experiences are crucial. And what we learn from them is even more so. We have gone through so much in our lives, whether it is the family troubles or boyfriend problems or high school drama- but we have grown after each one of them into persons that we today are.

I went through a rough childhood- no divorce or anything- but, yes, constant fights among parents created a not-so-happy environment. I used to cry to sleep at times, but after a certain age, I accepted things as they were. I learned so much through that time. My teens didn’t teach me how to party, they taught me how to be kind. They didn’t teach me how to trick my parents, they taught me how to understand them and accept them at their worst. I, firmly, believe in the institution of family, because no matter how they have acted in the past, I know for sure, that when I’ll need someone in future, they’ll be the first ones to turn up.

So, I turned my sorrows into opportunities– to adopt, to learn and to discover myself. Whatever bad I saw, helped me realise what I never wanted to be. And whatever good I saw inspired me. I made my history a source to study lessons, which gave me a new perspective to life i.e. a positive approach. And, my positive approach healed me. Before, I was broken. Now, I was a whole new person with a completely changed personality.

For me, lessons helped lessen the pain.

How frequently does your heart get broken? How much does that hurt you? How much harm have you caused to yourself by replaying those memories like a movie, over and over again? Ask this to yourself, today. If your answer is ‘very much’, then start fresh right now. All you have to do is stop regretting your past and start treating it like an adventure, because if those incidents hadn’t happened to you, you would not have learned those crucial life lessons which you abide by today. And, maybe, that incident (which hurt you) was the best possible way to make you realise something or to make you acknowledge something, et cetera.

It is, really, all about how do you want to see a situation and receive it in your life. If you treat your life as a story, then you’ll realise that every awful memory has left a moral behind. Its up to you now- if you recognise it, you will live in peace and satisfaction, and learn to grow into an unknown but an intriguing person. And, if you don’t, then you’ll waste your time repenting things that don’t even deserve it.

Ask yourself, what do you want out of your life? Regret or growth.

–In the end, everything does happen for a reason–

Vulnerability Or Weakness.

Often these two words are considered synonyms but are they ever? NO. They can’t be. Dictionary defines Weakness as lack of strength while Vulnerability is the susceptibility or capability to wind up hurt.

Being in a relationship for the first time makes you vulnerable in many ways without realizing it and when you do wind up hurt. It is normal to feel weak when you cry or are depressed or feel like things will never be better. Given sometime, you do move on and one fine day we meet someone we might want to be with. Now the real work begins. You have two options- Act like a weakling and chicken out and go back to pretending you don’t want a relationship or go ahead with it, pursue it and pray like hell that this time you got it right.

The first option seems to be better, you ll be by yourself (hell, you’ve taken all this time to be this way). You have given up on love, you have don’t have the strength to pursue anything and especially the monster called INTIMACY. The point is YOU DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH. But think about it, was it the love that hurt you or the lack of it? I have been there, done that and things were pretty darn good until one fine day that one person changed the whole game. And guess what? It only take one person.

Coming to the second option, I am not going to say you become vulnerable for the next you lay your eyes on. Take your time, think it out, if the guy stays and gets it and makes you want to take that next step. You will feel pretty darn good, that’s a promise. Ofcourse, it’s scary, okay, extremely scary but in this world you need to be your own Knight in shining armor and instead of being rescued, rescue yourself. The vulnerability can be scary but think about it you’ve been to the rock bottom and survived and are stronger than ever. Why not be a little vulnerable, it has a thrill of its own and a little chance doesn’t hurt anyone. Out of vulnerability comes strength and maybe a little empowerment.

–Courtesy of a very talented and dear friend–

Do Men Take Away Our Wind?

As I kept myself occupied with a ‘F.R.I.E.N.D.S’ marathon, I came across an episode in which ‘Phoebe’ suggests a book to the girls, and they get totally hooked to it. It was, ‘Be Your Own Windkeeper’, and it talked about how men take away our wind. It forced me to think if it was true.

There is a separate class of men (in which, majority of them fall in) out there who think of women as trophies. They still have the idea that men are and should always be superior to women. For them, it won’t matter if you’re more qualified or experienced than them, what will matter is that their opinions be regarded with more importance than yours. Around them, you can’t really be yourself. You can’t laugh your heart out, because he may think that you’re too loud. You can’t watch an animation movie, because he may think you’re childish. You can’t be too outspoken, because according to him, that’s not how a lady should behave. You can’t even wear a hoodie in front of his friends, because he doesn’t want his girl to look like a tomboy in front of them! And, most importantly, he might even feel insecure if you earn more than him. These things may seem petty for us, because, naturally, women are created like this. They are forgiving, and compromising and adjusting in nature. We are. At least, I can say, that I’ve given up more of ‘me’, to be with the man I loved.

Then, at times, I wonder, why do I have to give away myself- my wind, always, to be more like the kind of girl, he always wanted to be with? Does love and relationships require change in our personalities to survive? Do men ever realize that whatever we do, we do just to be with them? Do they ever realise that it’s the fear of losing them and not the love, that is making us give up our winds?

Well, some do and some don’t. And that is what decides who stays and who goes.

Those who don’t understand that women are people as well, will always try to bring you down. They will make you feel like you’ve done nothing with your life and you cannot ever do better than them. They will make you believe that you’re lucky to have them. That, you should always agree with them, because they have seen the world like you haven’t. They will decide what is best for you and what is not. These are the ones who stop your wind from blowing, and trust me, you do not want to end up with one of this kind.

On the other hand, there are men who understand you, who consider your emotions and your feelings important; who take your advice on things, not just for formalities (because there are some who will ask you what they should do and always, without a fail, end up doing just the opposite- stay clear of those), and actually listen to your opinions and incorporate them in their lives. They will hold your hand through tough times and just be there by your side through your rocky patches. They will appreciate you, your work, and your position in their lives. They will complete you. They will turn your wind into a fu*king storm (in a good, powerful way), and be supportive of you, while you’re out there achieving your dreams.

Oh boy, do I crave for a man like this? I do, honestly. Because I can’t wait anymore to be around someone with whom I can truly and unconditionally, be myself. With whom, I can feel confident and not demotivated; with whom, I can feel wanted and needed, and not a burden. With whom, I can feel like a human, and not a trophy.

Concluding, I’d say that not all men take away our winds. The ones who do, are not meant to be with you. And the right ones, never take away anything from you, other than your misery, your tears and your sadness. All they know is to give- the love and freedom that you deserve.

Be Curious, Not Judgmental.

As our teens pass and we enter our 20s, we are immediately and profoundly overwhelmed by the variety of people we encounter on a daily basis. Whether it is at our college or at work, we come across many characters of whom, we can’t help but set a perception in our minds. We see a person doing something, and we immediately pick up bits and pieces and start analyzing the same. For example, when I see a person sitting alone in a coffee shop, I can’t help but wonder- why is he alone on such a busy day? Is he an introvert? Does nobody like him? Why is he having coffee at 12 noon? Is he unemployed? What if he’s thinking the same about me? And the questions just start popping up and fast. Then, sometime later, I look within, and ask myself- am I being perceptive or am I being judgmental?

For me, there is a thin line between the two, as I jump on judgments like an Olympic champion. And, admit it, you do it too. We can’t help it. We are humans. Humans do judge- others and themselves. It happens because we try to reflect upon other people, what we think of ourselves. If we think of us as realists with a hint of selfishness (i.e. we think that the world operates on the ‘give-and-take’ principle), then even if a person is willing to do something for us, out of his own belief of giving and sharing, we would always conclude that he must be having a selfish motive behind all this. If we think that every person should act in a certain way, including ourselves, then we are always judging people, if they do not act in that particular way. We are constantly, subconsciously, judging people. And no matter how much we try not to think of such things intentionally, we end up at the same spot every damn time- our own little make-believe palace of judgments.

Having said this, when I’ve consumed my share of negative energy through some time period and I finally sit down to cleanse my thoughts a bit, I always, find myself asking the same question over and over- should I be a little more curious and a little less judgmental?

Walt Whitman was a wise man and he said some wise words, including, “Be Curious, Not Judgmental”. It’s hard to admit, being a pretty proudy person myself- but what he said was right and will remain to be true till the world finally ends. So, what exactly is the difference between being curious and being judgmental? For me, it all starts with perception– we see things, we feel things, we hear things, and basically, do all that what our senses are capable of. After perception, we remain stuck between two choices- to find out more about that person or thing and be more insightful about the whole situation or to just sit there, re-visit the entire situation in our heads, analyze it based upon our beliefs, our principles, and our way of living and finally form an opinion. That opinion will always be correct according to us, until we do the former. Until we try to find out the truth behind that action or situation or a particular reaction, we are literally hitting one pole or the other in a lonely street on a dark night. Because, being judgmental, we can only see and acknowledge what little knowledge we have, and we remain conservative in our approach to open up and receive thoughts of others. While, being curious, helps us discover the unknown.

I do not care if being judgmental is right or wrong. For me, it is unhealthy. It is unhealthy to be a stuck up, to not grow, to not learn, to not understand, to not acknowledge other person’s point of view. You, being judgmental will not affect anyone but you. It will make you mentally isolated; it will have an effect on your personality and ultimately your relationships with others. I have suffered due to this because I failed to see what was actually out there, waiting for me to be explored, while I was busy thinking things over and over in my limited cage-like mind space.

We are designed to grow. Our brains are made to be utilised more and beyond (the known capacity). Our communities teach us to live in harmony– by knowing others and ourself too. Thus, it is always good to think, to evolve and to examine what is best for you or others, but it is never justified to judge a person, without standing in his shoes, purely based on your opinions.

–Stay positive, open your minds to the creative ones of others, and you will explore the world like never before–

Gratitude.

Humans, according to me, are fundamentally greedy- some are more and some rather less. Always surrounded by wealth, success and resources of others, we tend to want things that they flaunt, and in this whole ‘drooling over other people’s lifestyle’ process, we often forget to acknowledge what we already have.

We don’t realise the real worth of someone or something till it is taken away from us. We never consider it important, and we take everything we have for granted. We fail to be thankful for what has been provided to us. I used to be of this kind. But, when I opened my eyes and saw that there are people in this world who dream of things that I already have, seeing children wanting toys that I used and threw, seeing people waiting years to buy a new pair of clothes, while I refused to wear dozens after buying them because apparently I lost interest in them or they didn’t suit me anymore (et cetera), I came to my senses and finally started recognising things and valuing them.

Forget about material things, I never treated my body right. I used to look in the mirror and find flaws, as if I looked at myself only to regret everything that I saw. I now feel that I have been ignorant my whole life of the greatest asset any man can have. His body. Do you hate your legs because they are fat or too thin? Ask their worth to someone who has lost his legs. You don’t like your eyes because they are too small or too big? Ask a blind person and he’ll tell you their value. He will tell you, what is the worth of being able to see the world, enjoy it and feel it every day, to be able to go anywhere you want, to be able to eat anything you like, to be able to love someone and being loved by someone, et cetera.

I often asked myself all these questions, (like) what would my life be like if I didn’t have my eyes or the ability to speak or hear or if I didn’t have any of my limbs or my brain functioning properly? And suddenly, all of my desires, all of my regrets and greed seemed so petty. Now, I wake up everyday and thank universe for everything that I have. I thank it for surrounding me with beautiful people, for such parents who’d do anything for my happiness, for siblings who could never see me cry, for friends who are always there when I need them, for the money that funded my education and such luxurious lifestyle (by ‘luxurious’, I don’t mean silver plates and gold spoons, I mean, that I got everything that I wanted, whether it was a Barbie or my favourite food). I thank it for all the love and support that I have received, and basically, for every adventure, every lesson, every experience that I’ve had. And now, I don’t ask for anything, except happiness for every person on this planet (i.e. everyone should get what they deserve). I’m no saint, I’m just a woman who has realised the worth of having all the things that people, somewhere at some times, still crave for.

I have never felt smaller than the day I saw a person having nothing, and still smiling. At first, I thought, what kind of weird person can stay happy in such conditions? He doesn’t even have a guaranteed meal tonight. What does he have that I don’t? He’s out there sitting on a street, just smiling and minding his own business, and I’m sitting in a car, cribbing about the things that I couldn’t get. That was the first incident that made me wonder all these things and eventually when I started noticing more incidents like these, I came to know that the key to happiness is not having it all, it is being satisfied in what you have, being thankful for it and just being a little less selfish and a little more giving.

I attained serenity after my reality check. I don’t know how will you take this or even think of me after reading this, but this is the real me, and today and everyday, you should know, that somewhere out there, I’m hoping that you find your happiness, that you and your loved ones stay in good health and with good wealth.

Gratitude is the greatest lesson that I have learned in my life. Without it, my life was empty and meaningless. After it, I found myself at peace and for real, HAPPY!

–SMILE, BE GENEROUS, BE GRATEFUL–

Finding True Love.

In this world of charmers and deceits, we often come across men who do everything to make you theirs and once they know for sure that you’ve fallen for them, they show their true colours.

Why do we fall for such guys? Simple, because they are good looking, they give you all the attention you need, they take special care of you in your periods, they take you out whenever you want to, they are always available when you text or call them. Which girl wouldn’t want that? That’s literally the type every girl wants his man to be of. And this fact is very well known to those men. They actually know how to be the flower that would attract all the honey bees.

As we are thinking that we found our love for life, they are thinking how to impress her more. The act of love is monitored by their minds and not by their hearts. So, do not fall for every other guy. Do not trust anyone easily. Do not believe in every promise that is made to you.

Having said this, I do believe that we all are destined for (at least) one true love in our lives. I had a crush on a guy for over two years. We were friends once and he was in a relationship with another girl. Trying to move on, I got into meaningless relationships, that turned out to be unsatisfactory, because all I could think about was him. After a year of no contact, I got a text from him. We started talking again, and all my buried feelings for him, which I had packed in a safe spot, came flying back and I couldn’t help but shed a tear and sport a smile. It has been years of us being together now, and I still feel the same for him. For me, he is my true love. I don’t know if I am his, but yes, I found my true love. And so will you.

True love is hard to find, and not many of us end up with ours. We run out of patience and at times we are ready to settle for anything we can get our hands on. We forget that we deserve our heroes and we’ll get them when the time is right. As, when I think back, I thank Universe, for keeping us friends when I had a crush on him, and not bringing us in a relationship, because that time was not right and we were not mature enough to handle something like this (what we share now). Whatever happened, happened for a reason and at the right time destined for both of us.

All we are looking for is love in our little lives, and we shall get it. It will come to you on its own, you don’t have to go in the dark with a torch light to find your true love. Be patient, say to yourself that you deserve it and your destiny will lead you to him.

How will you recognise your love? No, its not always love at first sight. Agree with me or not, its always lust at first sight, not love. And, you cannot decide whether a man is your true love or not in a month or two. You have to give your relationship some time to develop, to get tested, and to be exploited. Then only, you get to know the real side of your partner. And, when you finally know what he is really like, you can decide all you want.

So, don’t give up on love, because no matter how many men cheated on you or used you or just left you, a man will come and shake you from within. He will collect all the pieces of your broken heart and bring them together with his love. He is out there, just stay positive and believe that you will get him eventually.

Spiritual, Not Religious.

I have always considered myself an atheist. Since the beginning, I was not drawn to the concept of ‘God’ (kindly, do not hate me already, and keep reading on, because I don’t intend any offence to any person), but I respected every religion equally. I would go to temples, churches, mosques, etc. I would thank god for everything but I refused to adhere to the rules and to the rituals of any religion- as these were made by man, according to his convenience and his belief and why should I be a subject or follower of someone else’s belief, which was formed hundreds of years ago?

I believe every human on this planet has a right to choose any religion or not to choose any, according to his wishes. Though there are limitations and difficulties in this (being born in a religious family) and it took me long to make my family understand that I don’t believe in God. They respected my views and I respect theirs by giving them company in their religious affairs.

So yes, everyone around me knows that I’m not a religious person. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in some power supreme, to guide us through our life journeys. I believe that every person needs an escape and believing in something, brings hope in our lives, which in turn makes us feel happy imagining all our dreams coming true.

I’ve grown to be a spiritual person in the past 6 years since I read the famous book, ‘The Secret’. It was an innovative way to bring people to believe in something greater, and something, which unites us all. One ‘Universe’. According to me, religion is a species of spirituality, as in the former, people name that supreme power and make a figure for it, which the rest of us worship. Both require faith. But does our lives function solely on blind belief?

Doesn’t matter if you believe in God or Universe, one path that is common to us is that first, we pray, then we imagine us receiving that thing and lastly, if it’s meant to be and if that contributes to our greater good, we receive it. And we give all the credit to the all mighty (which is not at all wrong, as expressing gratitude to him or any person also, is the best thing one can do. One should always be thankful for what he has). What we fail to see here is, when we believe that we want something and we believe that we shall receive it, we start working towards our goal without realising it. Unintentionally, we do things that adds up to the path we are travelling with the ultimate destination being our dream coming true. Otherwise, why do you think they say, “God helps those who help themselves”– because having faith and having belief gives us that motivation and that drive that is required for us to achieve what we desire. But it is us, who have to work to earn that wish of ours.

No one is going to come one day and hand it over to you in a box wrapped with glittery sheets and gold ribbons. We have to work, and work hard, if we want something or someone to happen to us. And what makes that hard work seem effortless is our belief and our hope that we shall receive what we have asked for.

Thus, doesn’t matter who you follow, what’s important is to have a little faith that things will turn out for the best of your interest and to actually start working towards making your dream come true.

–P.S. I respect every person regardless of his colour, caste, sex, religion, etc.–

Love Is A Tough Business.

What is ‘Love’? Isn’t it something that you wish to have, successful and running, and without it you would just feel worthless?

I wonder but I can’t think of love being anything different from a business. Well, lets see from the investment point of view. A work or business requires your full dedication. You can’t make a business work without keeping your personal wishes and desires apart from your professional duties. You just have to forget for a while about what kind of a person you are, what you like doing or what you hate doing. It doesn’t matter if you want to have a day out and go to spa. And certainly doesn’t matter if you can’t deal with drama that day, and all you get is drama only. When the phone rings and its work calling, you have no option but to answer it. Same is the thing with relationships, till the time you dedicate yourself wholly to it, it seems to work just fine, but the moment to take a step back, and think selfishly, it seems to fall apart. No matter how people pretend to be themselves at work or in relationships, they both know inside, that they have to give up some of them, to make it work.

Its all about investments…you invest in your business, you know it will grow. And, relationships can’t grow when; even one of them decides to stop putting in efforts of their own. It grows when we start giving and stop demanding. No business yields profits in a year (if you’re lucky, then maybe, but I’m talking about an average person here…so bear with me). It takes a good amount of time to get something out of it after you’ve given something up for it. And, believe me, if you think that, your giving in something for a relationship will magically turn it to be a living dream overnight, then, honey, catch a breath, its not going to happen. If you invest in your guy or in your relationship on Day 1, then don’t expect him to propose to you the next day. Results take their time, and sweet results take even longer. After all, business is about risks, sometimes your investments turn out to be good, other times, a good lesson. In relationships too, you take risks and do or refrain from doing something, which the other person might like, or not like, but you never really know what action of yours can attract an opposite and unpleasant reaction.

Lastly, none of them is a sweet smooth ride. You hit bumps, you hurt yourself, you hurt your work and your love, but you can’t help it. You expected better results out of your sacrifices, but things just didn’t work out your way, and thus, the downs. There are ups too, and you have profits flooding out of your bank accounts, and your love life being a fairy tale with a kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower (woah!…that’s certainly a dream…are you reading it my prince charming?).

So, treat them equally, but keep them far…far away from each other, and live happily ever after.